Downhere - Surrender

What would YOU add in your guacamole?

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

OK I've neglected you once again

To all of you imaginaries who I pretend are reading my blog: I'm sorry.  I forget easily.  Things have come a long way since the last time I wrote.  GOOD things!  Since January, I found a wonderful apartment, still have my job and my sister and her girlfriend have an apartment.  

The horridness that had to come from it is that I had to give up my puppy, Moo.  Losing Moo was like tearing off a piece of my soul and Im not even exaggerating.  During the winter, the days when I felt like I had no hope, Moo was my light in the dark.  His sweet face was the reason I would rush home, his love was the reason I would get up every time I heard him cry for me, and the reward I would get from him was incredible:  Unchanging love.  He loved me, he was always happy to see me, he always wanted to be in my arms giving me sweet puppy kisses.  I dont think I would have come out of the dark of winter as cleanly as I did if I had not had Moo in my life.  I will always remember his sweet little face peering at me with his droopy eyes and his little lip tucked into his upper tooth on the right side.  

Ill never forget the first time I realized he loved me.  I was coming home from work and as I climbed the steps to my apartment I heard my sister saying ''Who is that Moo?  Is that your ma?"  And as I rounded the corner of the steps he went crazy!  My sister said that he'd started barking about 5 minutes before I'd actually arrived home.  My mom's dog does that and I knew it meant true love.  This little bundle of soft chub with cow spots and a white freckle on his nose knew me and I was his mama.  When he was just a baby potato he would always stop crying when I was holding him but I was never sure if it was because it was ME or just a warm body.  But this was solid, he could see me (barely) and he knew.  I remember the first time he fell off the bed (I know that is so mean but his was cute beyond all belief)  I was half asleep all night worrying hed fall off the bed and I must have drifted off because sure enough I woke up to a loud squawk and then crying from the floor.  And when I picked him up to cuddle him he just snuffled and snuggled his way into the curve of me into he was warm and cozy and slowly he stopped his crying.  Many anight I  would lie awake just feeling his little tummy trying to burn the scene into my brain so I would never forget.  He is always on my mind, throughout the day I always am thinking of him and wondering what he looks like now.  

I'm going to change the subject because this is seriously tearing down my emotional control.   
Well.  I had a blog full of happiness to post but now I'm just down in the dumps.  I guess I'll update later.  I swear