Downhere - Surrender

What would YOU add in your guacamole?

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

After a long hiatus, MariaDorseyCabas is back into it: Colonoscopies and Inaugurations galore

So I blatantly forgot that this blog existed. I went and made myself a whole new blog and then discovered that this one already existed. A real quick update: I am no longer a nanny. It was too stressful and we both had different ideas on what the nanny is supposed to do.

So, I spent my summer in Chicago living with Dianna trying to find a job and hoping I could survive in Chicago. Unfortunately that fell through very quickly, NOwhere would hire me. So I eventually moved back to Urbana and got an apartment with my sister.

It's now January and we are in debt over our ears.

But for this new happy post lets talk about other things shall we?


Isn't that exciting? President Barack Obama was sworn in this morning and guess what? I MISSED IT! My dad had a colonoscopy done today and I went with him to the hospital at 5 am this morning. We came home from the hospital (which I'll tell you about in just a minute) and promptly fell asleep. Now let me tell you the story of my father in the hospital:

This morning at 5 am my dad and I are walking to the hospital and he's telling me the plan of how we're going to get home without spending any money. The protocol for any patients going under is that they have to have someone driving them home but I can't drive my dad's car because it's a stick shift. So the plan is for me to wheel him to the south door and then we are going to WALK home after he's been under. I'm telling him this is not going to fly with the nurses at the hospital but he is totally convinced.

So my dad gets wheeled off to surgery prep and Im reading my book. After about 40 minutes I smell the coffee that the nurse made and I walk out there to get a cup. I get myself a nice steamy cup and head back to our room only to discover that my cup has a miniscule hole in the bottom of it and it's leaking all over. So, I head back over to the coffee pot to steal yet another cup (all this under the eagle eye of the head nurse like I'm going to run off with the coffee maker). I drink my coffee and instead of helping me stay awake it helps me pass completely out. I wake up who knows how much longer later to my dads surgeon poking me hesitantly on the knee saying ''Hi? Hello? Excuse me hello? Hi?" I wake up and he proceeds to give me the results of the exam and then leaves. A few minutes later my father is wheeled in and he starts to wake up. He SOUNDS relatively normal to me and starts chatting about how that took less time than he thought it would. Then as soon as the nurse leaves he turns to me and starts talking about how he thinks his surgeon has aged. I've never met his surgeon other than today so I just smiled and nod.

He passes out and then wakes up 2 minutes later and bursts into ''THE LORD IS MY LIGHT AND MY SALVATIIIIIIOOON'' at the top of his lungs and then goes on to tell me that that's the last thing he remembers before he falls asleep. I smiled at him and commented at how that's a good thing to sing before falling asleep. He asks me if the doctor had come in yet and I told him that he had and said that he was fine for another 5 years. My dad falls asleep again, wakes up and starts singing a DIFFERENT song and then says ''that's the last thing I remember saying before falling asleep''. I smiled again and nodded. He asks me again if the doctor had been in yet to which I told him again that he had. Then he goes ''I think the surgeon has aged quite a bit'' I agreed with him and got a incredulous in response ''Have you MET the doctor before??" I then told him no I had not but that he had told me this five minutes before. To save quite a bit of boredom I'll just say that this went of for quite awhile.

Then the post-op nurse comes in and asks me if I am planning to drive the car around to the front to which I shoot a look at my dad and say uhh well..... My dad bursts in with his slurred explanation of the car whilst trying to not give away the fact that we're walking home but without lying directly to the nurse. Eventually she realizes that we're planning on walking and says uhhhh ok let me check with the other nurses and see if I can do that. So my dad goes to bumblingly put his clothes on and it's just funny to watch.

The post-op nurse (her name is Marilyn for future references) comes back to inform us that we are NOT allowed to walk home, that she'll check with the security of the hospital to see if they can drive us home but that otherwise they'll have to call a taxi for us. She walks out and my dad begins to fumble for his cell phone in his pocket and starts dialing with obvious trouble. He puts the phone up to his ear and asks for greg and then starts muttering about something and snaps the phone shut in the middle of whatever he's saying. I take the phone away from him and dial his next door neighbors number and he screams ''WHO ARE YOU CALLING???" I said I'm calling Greg dad. (this was who he was trying to call by the way) he goes ''WHY ARE YOU CALLING GREG!?!??" And I go because he's giving us a ride home dad. "WHAT??! BUT WE'RE WALKING HOME!" no dad, we're not walking home they won't let us. "oh."

So his neighbor picks us up, we go home and my dad makes himself an egg and goes to bed. I go into the kitchen to clean up and there's egg yolk all over the place.

It was an amusing morning.

The end.

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